we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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