wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
