Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
