hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And then my night got REAL pukey
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
