this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
