nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
