you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
