"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
