I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
