I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize