I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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