I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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