How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Are we still banned from the library?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
