I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
