Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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