i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
