is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
