Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I touched a dick in church today
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
