Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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