God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
