They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
sex in a hospital.. check
so much tequila, so little girl.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
