Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
