Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize