I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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