you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
