Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
