i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
