if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
soo... how was my night?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
