he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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