You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
