I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
