I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
