haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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