Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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