He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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