He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
