i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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