my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
