i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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