Your dad touched me again.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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