I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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