New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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