I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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