We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i think i have herpe
just one?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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