how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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