Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My cat gives me a boner
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
