He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
