There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
