Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
