Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
