i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
