I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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