just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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