I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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