I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
