This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize