Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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