Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
