Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
