i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
