She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
