I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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