We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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