so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
