We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
