I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
