do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
