yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
